Comment on the Track the Films You Watch Thread

Discussion in 'General' started by rhett, Jan 1, 2007.

  1. allmessedup

    allmessedup It's beer time.

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    See LITTLE CHILDREN if you haven't....I wasn't too enthusiastic going into it because I was expecting a comedy/drama about suburbran "mommy groups" but it turned out to be nothing like that. I wound up really enjoying it. It's much darker than the trailers and so on made it seem. Probably one of the better mainstream movies that came out last year.
     
  2. Workshed

    Workshed A Barge Person

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    Good to know, thanks. I wanted to see this but hadn't heard much of it.

    I caught The Hill Have Eyes remake this weekend in my hotel room while on business in NYC--on HBO or something, so I assume it was the rated version. The girl from Lost is really drawn to parts where her character is stranded. And where her uterus is manhandled by mutants. That scene was so gratuitous. In movies like this, a rape signifies that the filmmakers had no other idea in their heads as to how to "connect" to the viewer. This remake was lifeless, and I took nothing from it except a good way to crack up my sister: imitating the mewing mutant sounds.

    edit: I did like the Big Brain character, though. And when he started blah blah blah-ing about the hows and whys the mutants were brutalizing helpless roadtrippers, I was happy to see his
    big brains spill.
     
    Last edited: May 8, 2007
  3. Workshed

    Workshed A Barge Person

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    Troll (1986)

    What I like about Troll’s opening is that it wastes no time. Four minutes into the film, Wendy is about to finish her musical number (“Pease-Porridge”) when she comes across Green Lantern 666, who lives in her basement and who quickly dispatches her and uses his ring to become her. Turns out the GL Corps have stationed Torok (not the dinosaur hunter) on a base inside an apartment building where he wages an eternal battle with one of its creepy tenants. This apartment complex houses only the creepiest tenants this side of a Polanski adaptation, and they are all way too nonchalant about having children in their apartments. Remember the 1980s when an adult could invite a strange child in his apartment and discuss “What death looks like” while guarding her with loaded guns on the wall?

    Troll features such appropriate adult-child dialogue as:

    Adult: “Do you believe in elves?”

    Child: “Yes.”

    Adult: “Well then, maybe I’m an elf! Where do you live?”

    Torok’s Power Ring has the weird power of creating apartment veg-inas that give birth to ghoulies and open portals to an even more magical world. This is bad because sometimes the tenants turn into foliage or elves. Or Torok turns into them. It’s kind of a broad power.

    This is the only fantasy film with two characters named Harry Potter, and one of them does an unpleasant, fey, faux-rock-out dance where he bops in his living room while mouthing the lyrics to a song with about 25% accuracy.

    Luckily, Atreyu steps in and gets knocked down a couple times, enabling Torok to throw the magic spear while in the Land of Evil Faerie and something, something, something.

    It’s too bad Troll was made in 1986 and Ghoulies II in 1987—and not the other way around. Otherwise, Troll could be watched as a quasi-sequel to Ghoulies II. Both films feature Phil Fondacaro as a man of literature who can recite Shakespeare and “The Faerie Queen” on cue. In Troll, he is an English professor who ran away with the circus before settling down, and in Ghoulies II, we see Fondacaro’s character working in a traveling amusement park (which is kinda like the circus). Fondacaro does battle in both films with ghoulies that look like they crawled and dry-humped out of the same dimension (John Carl Buechler is listed under “creature effects” in Ghoulies II and “special effects” in Troll which would explain the creatures’ similarities, and Buechler wrote and directed Troll and would later go on to direct Rhett’s favorite Ghoulies III: Ghoulies Go to College).

    Speaking of creature feature sequels, on to Troll II.
     
    Last edited: May 13, 2007
  4. rhett

    rhett Administrator

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    :lol:

    Amazing review, and that was some impressive intertextual linking you did between GHOULIES and TROLL. Your reward for all the hard work? The chance to now fully appreciate the best movie on the planet, TROLL 2.

    Your thoughts are mandatory here, immediately after viewing.
     
  5. Workshed

    Workshed A Barge Person

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    Troll 2 (1990)


    Troll 2 springs from a universe of badness that would be impossible to chronicle. It is meta-bad. Wikipedia notes that Troll is featured in The 50 Worst Movies Ever Made documentary, but makes no mention of Troll 2 in The 50 Worst Best Worst Films Ever Made.

    “I don’t talk to people who arrive late and upset their girlfriends.”

    Troll 2 exists only in bad. Every character seems to be acting in his or her very own version of the same film, and saying the most bizarre things and saying them with the most wrong emphases and inflections.

    After getting punched in the groin, the boyfriend yelps: “What are you, nuts? You trying to make me a homo?” Nuts, get it? And groin-punching = homosexuality? It doesn’t need to make sense because it gets crazier once the girlfriend starts talking.

    “Wouldn’t be too hard [Ouch]. If my father caught you here, he’d cut off your little nuts and eat them.” Run, dude.

    Troll 2 is somehow about a town (Nilbog. That’s N-I-L-B-O-G. The town’s name is “Nilbog.” Nilbog. There is one street in Nilbog, and that street’s name is Nilbog.) that terrorizes a tourist family with green liquid and sour milk. And burlap. Troll 2’s special effects budget went down from puppets and little men-in-suits to little-men-in-masks-and-gloves-and-burlap. The burlap is the only non-bad-good good thing in this movie, if only because I’m not sure I could have sat through another naked, glistening troll movie.

    There’s no Atreyu in this sequel—not even Bastian shows up—but Joshua, gobbling every scene he’s in—fails to use the power of a bologna sandwich to bring down The Magic Rock of Stonehenge and The Vegetable World (they really call it "The Vegetable World"). Still, the goblins in Troll 2 do react violently to meat:

    “Think of the cholesterol!”

    Must be that Vegetable World they live in.

    Then the Ghost of Grandpa finally manifests and pushes a rock and everyone stops paying any sort of attention.

    God, there are so many great lines (“Concentrate more!” “Go away, monster!”)

    This was definitely a reward for making it through Troll. What a double-feature. But “No more, no more popcorn.”



    [Thanks, Rhett. ]
     
    Last edited: May 13, 2007
  6. rhett

    rhett Administrator

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    Classic! I was upset too, that some sort of NEVERENDING STORY continuity couldn't be upheld for the sequel. Maybe TROLL 3 can have one of the trolls arguing with the rock dude concerning the merits of vegetable over mineral.

    I am glad you've finally busted your TROLL 2 cherry, but now, unfortunately, it is all downhill from here. Any movie you watch, no matter how great (GHOULIES III, MEATBALLS 4) will totally pale in comparison. Don't even try to throw in SCHINDLER'S LIST either, it still won't stifle the blow. But remember this day forever, Workshed. You have become a man.
     
  7. Workshed

    Workshed A Barge Person

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    I made a point not to watch any films today or tonight because of my Troll 2 experience last night. Is there cinema after Troll 2?
     
  8. rhett

    rhett Administrator

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    Is there life after TROLL 2?
     
  9. Numania

    Numania Guest

    Yes, and it's called Microwave Massacre...the greatest movie ever.
     
  10. DopeChamberX

    DopeChamberX Guest

    Just finished watching They're Playing With Fire. Wow! This movie was so ludicrous and cheesy and I loved every second of it! LOL. What started out as a bad skinimax flick turned into an even worse slasher film. I can't form the words right now to fully describe how bad/great this movie was so here is the points that stuck out:

    * Sybil Danning gets naked at least three times and has some of the most vanilla sex I have ever seen put to celluloid

    *The killer decides that their ski mask must have not been concealing enough and dons a Santa Claus costume for one scene.

    * Killer also decides to bound and gag a poodle to a chair and also speak in a voice that sounds like a duck.

    *Murder by baseball bat that was so poorly staged that it loooked like it was in slow mo when in fact it was not.

    *Horrible song that plays over the main menu, plays over the opening credits, the last "sex" scene and the end credits. Probably more times than that, but cant recall exactly

    Wow, this list can go on and on if I really wanted to. :lol: To anyone who loves cheesy films and has not seen this, it is highly recommended
     
  11. onebyone

    onebyone Guest

    Now that's a review. It has been moved immediately to the top of my Netflix Queue.
     
  12. MorallySound

    MorallySound Mad Mutilator

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    I just watched Deadly Spawn tonight. That movie is RAD!
     
  13. rhett

    rhett Administrator

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    I received a DVD to review, and thought it was mistakingly sent to me. The packaging and description make it out to be another PRIVATE LESSONS, but a slasher theme? Awesome.
     
  14. DrHerbertWest

    DrHerbertWest For Your Health

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    Watched my second Jodorowsky film (the first being Santa Sangre) today and that was El Topo. I almost bought the boxed set and after having rented/watched this, I'm sort of glad I didn't. I loved Santa Sangre and thought every bit of its weirdness was perfectly done. I didn't feel the same about El Topo. I actually enjoyed the second half better than the first when the movie sort of does a 180 and goes off on another tangent. This is a film I'd definitely like to revisit down the line to see how it affects me again.

    Picked up Soldier Blue last week and holy crap... What a stunner. Great acting, cinematography, plot, etc. I'm surprised I hadn't heard of this before (outside of the giant poster in the girl's apartment at the beginning of Death Proof). And after watching a fairly tame first half of the film, I was also surprised to see how graphic and brutal the last half an hour was. I highly recommend this, even to people who aren't big western fans. Plus, Donald Pleasance with fake teeth and a huge top hat! You can't go wrong with that.

    I also watched Pan's Labyrinth. I was very impressed but overall I felt a little disappointed. I was hoping for more of the mythical creatures, tasks and all of that... A little too much "real life drama" and not enough of the sci-fi stuff for me. It's a very small complaint for me, though because I felt this movie will be a classic in years to come.

    I'm watching Black Shampoo right now. Oh man, it's only 15 minutes in and this has to be the greatest film this side of Dolemite.
     
  15. MorallySound

    MorallySound Mad Mutilator

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    I just finished watching Doris Wishman's 'A Night to Dismember'.

    A Night to Dismember exists in one category, and that category is: WTF?!
     
  16. Numania

    Numania Guest

    I tried like hell to get this in the 11 worst movies polls, but no one else bit.
    THis movie made me want to dash my eyeballs out.
     
  17. Hellbilly

    Hellbilly Active Member

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    Great review! I've seen this back in the days but hardly remember anything about it. I had no idea this was available on DVD, but after reading this I'm sure as hell gonna check it out again if only to refresh my memory :D
     
  18. DrHerbertWest

    DrHerbertWest For Your Health

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    Just got done watching They're Playing With Fire (a movie I unexpectedly found during our search for weekend rentals and immediately grabbed) thanks to the nice reviews on this thread.

    Gotta admit... It sure is cheesy as hell. I'm going to throw in another "point that sticks out":

    *Best Knife-To-The-Neck SFX ever committed to film, period.
     
  19. Agent Z

    Agent Z "Get to the river...

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    Hey bdh, would you please put up a guide to all that alphabet soup ratings system you have in place for the last two years of movie tracking?? :hum:
     
  20. bigdaddyhorse

    bigdaddyhorse Detroit Hi-on

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    I might have to kill everyone if I did as it contains secret codes to the meaning of life, who shot JFK, which religion is right and much more.:D
     

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